freak.

My friends who are close to me, or even who know me just a little, say that I am freak. Freak? Hell, I hate that name! hahaha... I am not freak like most of freaks do, doing weird and abnormal things (mentally, I mean).

I understand why they call me freak.

Here are things I like and what kind of person I am:
- music: i don't know what genre I like, but I like musics that most people in my age don't! such as: BALINESE GAMELAN, classic rock (led zeppelin, beatles, queen, and bands that people don't even know it!), mellow songs, some kinds of reggae, K-Pop (wonder girls, epik high, big bang, and lots more that my friend never like it!), and other musics. I know its weird hahahaha. but i don't really like western music anymore, I am bored of it and I found a lot of new unique colors! :P

- food: well, i eat almost every food. I like almost every fruit, vegetable, meat, and cook. I never want to waste any food. I usually eat up food that my friends or my family can't finish it up :P

- mind: this is the main reason why people call me FREAK! hahahah... umm. let's see. My bestfriends say I always care about things that people don't care. I care about nature, social, politic, history, and lots more! What's wrong with that?! Isn't it good? :P and then..... they say I know things that most people don't know. But, it's not about gossips nor freaky things!! It's about knowledge! Is it FREAK?! It is KNOWLEDGEABLE !! wkwkwkwkwk.

- dream: people have rights to dream. and.. so do I! I have my own dream. But they call me freak, again. My dream is: work for people (social activist), study abroad and back to Indonesia to make this country better, playing with stocks :P, and TRAVELLING OR BACKPACKING! well, I admit it, they are unusual. but it's not freaks' dreams! >.< style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">I'M NOT FREAK!!

it's normal isn't it?!! hahahaha.

however, I'm quite satisfied knowing my friend, Agita, the one who call me freak, said that she was freak!! wkwkwkwkwk. She really wanted to go to Yogyakarta for LIPI. But she stuck with their parents don't agree with the idea because it must be full with native people and she will be just with Merlyn, who is also very-chinese one just like her and they both are girls. No wonder they don't permit her. hahahahah.

Anyway, I never consider myself as a freak. I'll never admit it! hahaha... I consider myself as: UNIQUE :p

This last weeks, my dad has some problems in the place he works. He works at a food company and he managing the livestock thingy. And, unfortunately, there's something wrong about the food for the livestocks. The food was bad quality and so the livestocks are not in good qualities, even not a few of them are sick.

And his boss blame it all to my dad. His boss just called my dad this morning, before he went to work. He pressed my father as if he is a worthless man in the company, even though my dad has a quite good position.

His boss said: "If you can't work together, FINE! you can work by yourself! If i am an evil now, i can knock you down!"
And all my dad could say was just: "Yes, Sir, I know I am wrong. I am sorry. I know I am wrong."

MY DAD HAS BEEN STRESSED ENOUGH TRYING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS AND NOW HIS BOSS SAID THAT F**KING THING!! and HE MADE MY DAD CRIED!!

All this time, FOR YEARS, he's been worrying his position because many people in this company trying to knock him down! He is very loyal to his company that he has been working there for like almost 30 YEARS!! And his boss said that thing!!

He even struggled so hard so that his sons are able to study in good schools! He even often cried to my mom that he afraid he can't even make this family happy enough!! He started from the very beginning when he could not even feed his first son! He worked hard - went home late at night, trapped by flood on the way and could not come home!! And now he can make his sons study in schools like Loren, UPH, and in private school in San Francisco!!

He STRESSED A LOT!!!


I know you're an executive, you rich, you have a high position in company, you're safe in that position! unlike my dad! but, PLEASE, stop saying that FUCKING THING to my dad!! he is a GREAT MAN and does NOT deserve your INSLUTS!!!





I LOVE MY DAD

my funny past.

5 days ago, I uploaded my junior high photos, 8th grade, exactly, in the class of 2-1, to Facebook. If feels really funny looking at our childhood photos, when we were still funny with some of our cute friends :D a controversy. Irving was very cute, so CHUBBY. and Chandra, with all of his jokes and round face, unlike now. hahahahaha. and also William, his teases to all of us, his forehead, his fight with Babe. it all just made us laugh!! :D

We all have changed. Not just physically, but also our friendship, relationship, and society. Remembering that funny past really makes me missing that time. We were all happy with just a little conflicts between us. We laugh a lot, forgetting every conflict ever happened to all of us. We were all in PEACE.

Unlike now, most of us make gangs. Make ourselves exclusive. We fight. We gossip about others. Lots of conflicts between us. Comparing to our funny past, it all are very different. We are more likely enemies now.

I do really MISS that time. I wish I could turn back time.

Here are some of my funny-past photos :))

farewell party

farewell party at DUFAN

farewell party at DUFAN

yearbook photoshooting

last day :(

a DREAMY IDEALIST

umm. A few days ago, my friend, Agita, gave me a site providing a free personality test: www.ipersonic.com. I like it! 'cause finally I was able to find a personality test which is professional and promising. And, moreover, I could finally find words defining me. Here are the adjectives best describe me, by the site:

-introverted: i'd rather be alone than be in crowded
-theoretical
-emotional: i can even cry just because of reading a comic! (read my post: rave)
-spontaneous
-idealistic: scroll down to the below of the post
-dreamy: scroll down to the below of the post
-effusive
-pleasant
-reserved: i always love silence
-friendly: i love my friends :D
-passionate
-loyal: i have faith. and i never back-stab anyone.
-perfectionist: the word here doesn't mean i want everything perfect. but it's more likely an idealist. :P
-helpful: i love helping everyone. if anyone needs help, i will be there.
-creative
-composed: i always calm ;)
-curious: i want to know everything! everything but gossips.
-obstinate
-with integrity
-willing to make sacrifices: sacrifcing to make people happy makes me happy too :D
-romantic
-cautious
-shy: however, bcause i love being alone, i am shy. it's hard for me to make new friends XD
-peace-loving: i LOVE peace! i hate fights, i hate conflicts, and i hate WARS!
-vulnerable
-sensitive: i am easy to be hurted. and am able to feel others' feeling.
-communicative
-imaginative: like the word above, dreamy. :D

The words I bolded are the words which I feel it the most in me. Well, doesn't mean that other words which are not bolded not describing me, they just don't dominate my personality.

My personality type, based on the site, is Dreamy Idealist. :D I like the name a LOT! It really fits me! I am a dreamer: I have always been dreaming of my future, what I am going to do later, or the WORLD. And Idealist: I really am an idealist. My parents, my uncle (Robert), and other people have admitted it. If I have a dream or something I like, I won't let it go - I keep it in me and struggle for it. No matter if people say it is impossible or that I never see the negative sides.

what's wrong with a short pant?

I finally got my Driving License yesterday! finally! i just couldn't wait to have it so that I wouldn't be with my driver if I wanted to go somewhere; I can drive by myself! XD

I went to the police office early in the morning. I had arrived there at around 6.30 am. And I was so sleepy I slept for nearly 2 hour there until someone woke me up to wait in the office - with other people who wanted to make the license or extend it.

it was quiet boring waiting there. I just sat, crossed my left leg onto the other one. At that time, I wore a sleeved-shirt and a short pant because my knee was wounded after last soccer match. If I wore a trouser, it would have been very painful. After 30 minutes waiting, the police finally called the applicants name, including me. So, I got up and went to the room where I did the test and had a seat. I sat quietly until a policeman called my name abruptly.

He said to me angrily: "Hey! Why are you not wearing a trouser?! Why are you wearing a short pant?!"
I was surprised and answered: "My knee is wounded, Sir! It will be very painful if I wear a trouser!"
His anger got worse: "It's your business! Can't you learn to be polite in dressing up?! What if you are leading a company in the future, wearing that kind of pant! Get out until you wear a trouser!"

I could do nothing. So, I got up and tried to find a trouser.

What made me thinking was this line: What if you are leading a company in the future, wearing that kind of pant!

Is it wrong leading a company wearing a short pant?

I have an uncle. Well, he's actually not my uncle. He is a very best friend of my dad. Our family is so close that we consider each other as relatives. His name is Robert. He worked for a man, a big boss handling five-stars hotels. We called him Ko Ketung. Ko Ketung is the man who built Ritz Carlton and Conrad in Bali and he had just finished with his last project: Hilton Bandung.

For me, Ko Ketung was a leader I dreamed of. Why? Could you imagine, a big boss, wearing a simple short pant and T-Shirt with a souvenir bag of a local airline and a sandal to meet a big boss of a national television station? And when got home from the meeting he use a taxi instead of a luxurious car? His home is also so humble. His sofa is so ordinary, even it is patched with a cellophane tape.

So, why should we lead a company with a sleeved-shirt, a tie and a trouser? A leader doesn't have to be that exclusive. Even a simple leader who humble his self will be a better leader because he will have a better and stronger relationship with his employees. And the company will also have a strong solidarity.

An exclusivity is what make a distance between a leader and his people. That's why classes in the society hard to be erased: because the person with a higher status makes himself exclusive.

XD

I remember it,
clearly in my head

I remember she moaned
I remember she cried
I remember she in anguish

I remember she seized my hand
very hard
I remember she could hardly
catch her own breath
I remember she spoke
under her breath

I remember she...
swooned

It tortures me,
remembering it

i don't deserve it

i, once more, discovered something new in me today.

my friends and i were just went home from school and decided to hang out for a moment in Warung Kirana to have some meals. we ate and chatted for quite a long time, about 45 minutes, i guess. but, our conversation that afternoon was really shocked me, because i could tell my friends what i didn't even know before.

we were talking about faith - faith to God. this topic started when my friend, Windi, said that she wouldn't be permitted by her mom to go abroad to Canada if she doesn't have a strong enough faith. we laughed and shared what's on our mind with that: what are the risks if we don't have enough faith when we go abroad. my another friend, Desi, then shared her experience: how she likes the Church and never tired yet always likes to go to Church. I, next, told them how i don't like the atmosphere in the Church and prefer to praise the Lord in a more quiet place with less people.

and, this is what i discovered. after saying that to my friends, i continued saying that i never wanted to have a Confession. i don't want to because i think i don't deserve doing it. i don't even feel i deserve talking to God, praying to Him. worse, on the Easter Day, yesterday, exactly, i didn't have any feeling i usually have when i was taking the Bread and Wine. i didn't deserve it!

what a feeling >.< i feel so bad. i have too much sins. my heart is not clean enough, even it's too dirty, for the King.

However, i am not planning to repent; 'till i think i am ready and brave enough to change my life. it will be futile if i repent but i will make more sins soon.

rave.

wow. i can't believe i finally have a good mood to write again. since i had been home from bali, idk why i lose my mood to do anything good. i used to love reading novels, writing articles, studying. but since i got home from bali i didn't have any mood to do those thing. and finnaly it comes back! thank GOD.

i suddenly wanted to share my emotion, that's why i started updating my blog again, after i finished reading RAVE. it is the best comic EVER! made by Hiro Mashima. reading this comic, you will find out how great courages, friendships, hopes, and loves are.

i know it seems silly, moreover i'm a male, but my heart always moved everytime i read this comic. i could cry, since it's so sad, so happy, and touching. their sacrifice for their friends, and the world is so unbeatable, i could say. they have strong bonds to each other. i wish i could have that kind of friendship.

anyway, i cried. is it wrong? or awkward? i don't thing so. i never been shy telling people that i cried because of these kind of things: watching movies, reading books, or some moments. it's good if people are still able to cry, isnt it? much better than if they can't cry. it it occurs, do they still have any heart?

i'm thankful that i able to cry. i'm neither senseless nor heartless :P i am sensitive to what people feel, what happen to people around me, and what happen to the world. i can feel when people whether they are happy, sad, or angry.

being able feeling those things makes me easier to be motivated, hopeful, and love others more than people do.

thank GOD i have those things in me.