call me arrogant
call me freak
call me creepy
call me weirdo

i am what i am
i just don't wanna be the way most people are
i am different am unique

and you just haven't understood it yet

Upbeat

You enjoy being around others and others enjoy being around you. You have a "live and let live" attitude; because you know that no one's perfect, you are forgiving and happy to give the benefit of the doubt.

You don't feel the need to be controversial or express contrary opinions all the time. You see no reason to go around rubbing people the wrong way.

Passionate

You are in touch with your emotions, and sometimes you react before you think. The good news: you don't tamp down your feelings. The bad news: you sometimes say or do things that you later wish you could take back.

You do not live your life on an even keel; you do not go for long periods without experiencing some mood swings.

Aesthetic

You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you're proud of it. Those with a high score on the "aesthetic" trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.

You don't think it's pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You're not one of those who believe it doesn't matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.

Sympathetic

You have a knack for knowing what's going on in the hearts and minds of those around you, without their having to tell you explicitly. People tend to turn to you with their problems because they know you care, and that you will likely offer good advice and a helping hand.

You do not feel that people with sad stories are just looking for attention, or have brought their problems upon themselves.

Curious

You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.

You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.

Scrupulous

You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.

You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Tender

You are gentle with others, both physically and emotionally. You are careful not to upset people and go out of your way to find the nicest way to say something. You naturally focus on the fact that the world is full of wonderful people, places, and things. More often than not, people with a high score on the "tender" trait enjoy spending time with children, love romantic movies, and are enthusiastic about making the world a better place.

You don't think of yourself as tough-minded or gruff, nor do you need to be seen as some kind of objective source of truth and rationality.

Introspective

You like your own company; you're a very interesting person. Tracking your own mental processes, knowing what you're thinking and why you do what you do, is important to you. Often, what's going on in your mind is more compelling than what's going on outside. For the most part, those with a high score on the "introspective" trait enjoy reading, taking long walks, learning new things, and other solitary activities.

You are not someone who is constantly looking to be among a group of friends; you never feel bored when you are by yourself.

Original

You are constantly coming up with new ideas. For you, the world as it exists is just a jumping-off place; what's going on inside your mind is often more interesting than what's going on outside.

You don't feel that the road to success is to be a realist and stick to the program; you never stop yourself from coming up with new ideas or telling the world what you're thinking about.

Reserved

You are somewhat shy, or at least unwilling to spend all your time socializing. With you it's true that "still waters run deep," which is why many of your acquaintances never get to know you well.

You are not always ready to talk at the drop of a hat. Whether you're in the office or at a party, you're not likely to be found gabbing away in the middle of a group of people.

i think strong people are not those who are physically strong, not those who can lift up to the heaviest weigh, not those who can fight with many people alone, not those who can beat another person in just one punch, and so on. instead, i think the strongest person is the one who can live alone. what i mean alone is, alone-no one wants him and he has no one to lean on.

i think the strong people are those who are bullied, unwanted, deserted, and abandoned, but still alive. those who can carry all the sorrow, sadness, loneliness, hatred, happiness, love, all by himself without having no one to share with, but still loving and caring.


and, therefore, i'm obviously weak. i'm a weakling. i can't stand being solitary. i can't stand having no one beside me. i can't stand having no one to talk to and to share all my feelings.


hence, i really appreciate those who are strong. eventhough no one recognizes them.

Englishman In New York - Sting

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun

Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York

I'm not good at acting. I just love being frank and blunt.

think 8 hours x work 2 hours

i have a t-shirt that a lot of people wear it too, a black t-shirt with "think 8 hours x work 2 hours" on it.

and i just noticed it yesterday that it really fits me.

i don't know. when someone ask me to do something or finishing my school task i don't really use the time to work on it. i'll think for a long time - like almost on the due date. then i'll just finish it right away - close to the deadline.


think a lot, work for a short time. :P

my dream home.... :D

my dream home.. on the peak of a hill of trees. beautiful view. cold and foggy. gloomy. plus and outdoor whir pool... and a woody living room with a nice pool... a relaxing white bedroom... and a bathtub in a woody room and a view of nature...

tho i think the bedroom won't match with the whole concept :P


huaahhh... gotta save a lot of money for that.. XD



architectureblog.tumblr.com

discover the world

I realized something new about myself yesterday - when I was writing my wishes for Kezia in her birthday party. In the letter, I wrote "discover the world".

I never realized before, that I always say that thing. Each time people asked me what's my dream or when I am giving wishes to someone. That words will always come up. I just realized how much I love that words.

Discover the world. It really means a lot for me. That what my dream is. It is not just about visiting different countries and places. But it is also enjoying and blending myself to the world itself, learning new cultures in places I get to, making new friends to the citizens, and learn a lot of new things from my trip in discovering the world.

I've been listening to my korean songs playlist again these last few days - for the same playlist which means the same songs. Everyday for two years - never get bored and sick of it.

And while I was listening to my korean songs, I saw my friends were listening to their RnB or rock or pop songs by those famous american singers on my messanger.


It made me thinking: why do I love these korean songs more instead of worldwidely-famous american songs?

I remember being in US for a month - without any asian or even korean songs on radio, stores, malls, or my uncle's home. I listened to american songs - just like me 3 years ago before I started to like koreans. Yes, I liked the songs. They were good and somehow seemed mature. But, still, I missed korean songs.

Why is it? I mused for a while to think about it.

Korean songs and those of americans are so different. They have different color and I like that color. I am bored already with americans. They are good yet are easy to make me bored. But, not with koreans. They have more cheerful beats that make me enjoying the songs. They are creative to make new beats and rhythm. Their dances are silly but it make me laugh. That's why I never get bored even I've been listening to the songs for more than 200 times. XD

defining myself (part II)

i hate hates and fights and wars
i hate no-respect people
i hate being woken up just for unimportant things
i hate when people teased and being sarcastic
i hate when people talk bad things about my friends
i hate when people talk bad things about others while they don't see themselves
i hate being separated from my friends
i hate when people slander me
i hate irresponsible and lazy people
i hate arrogants
i hate heartless people
i hate ignorants
i hate people who don't care about their environments

3 things shaping my life

In Bali, while I was interrogated by my uncle and his friend in order to know whether I'm ready to go to SF, my uncle asked this thing to me: what are 3 things shaping your life?

What shaped my life? Well, I've been thinking it quite often - and I know what are the answers.

So, I said to them, the first thing shaping my life is: reading National Geographic Magazine about global warming. Yes, it was the first crucial thing changing my life. It opened my mind - about the world; what is happening to the world. I used to not care about this thing even though I had heard and read it for quite many times. And when I read it, I was like: oh my God! Is this what really happening to the earth I live in?! Damn! It can't be ignored! I should not let this happen further! I have to change it!... And,... since then, I save electricity, water, paper, gasoline, and things that may hurt the lovely planet I live in. I also took part in many environmental activities to campaign the saving of this earth. I really changed: from being ignorant just like other teenagers, became a care-for-the-earth one.

Eventually, my care of the nature increased. And I realized, because of reading many articles, despite the things I do for the planet, it was futile without any improvement on people education. So, I started caring about social things too. It reached the top when I finally watched Oprah talking with a man who had built thousands of schools and libraries in many poor countries of Asia. However, I saw just the end of it. Luckily, Oprah showed one book written by the man about his journey building schools and libraries. And so, it became the second thing shaping my life: reading a book titled "Leaving Microsoft to Change the World" by John Wood.

Reading that book, opened my mind wider and wider - much wider than reading the Nat Geo Magazine. I realized, how poor is the poverty of a lot of poor people in poor countries; and also those of developing ones. Now I do not only care for the environmental things, but also social things. I realized, environment can't be fixed without fixing the poor society conditions. And so poor society can't be fixed without the fixing of their environment; a better and good quality of environment. They are interrelated.

However, my mind develops. Social things are not only poverty and education, but also politics and economy and sociology and psychology and ideology and lots more. They are all now in my mind; thinking of them each time, making my mind never stops thinking and analyzing and solving.

The third thing shaping my life is: consulting about Maria Goretti to my counseling teacher, Bu Ivon. What's the matter with that? I used to hate my chemistry teacher, Maria Goretti, or usually we call her Buret. Her attitute made me mad: angry everytime, sarcasting, never smiles, and lots more annoying ones. It made me coudln't put up with each of her class.

So, I came to Bu Ivon to consult about her. However, after giving full rein to her, she said calmly that she actually is a very good person, a very kind one, and a very smart one. She asked me to think positive. Because a good person can be a very person just because we don't think positive of him/her. And, it was right! I was later thinking positive. Now I see her as a very good person, a good teacher. So, now I always think positive.




Those are the 3 things shaping my life - which shapped me into the Alain-now: I care about the world and always think positive to everything, even though I hate them.

where is truth?

people told you bad things about me
and you ran away from me
they all are lies
lies that will remain unrectified
the truth burns deep in my heart
without giving me a chance
to tell you everything
with you running away from me
my soul won't be exhumed

i want to be here before the world ends

Here are the places I wanted to visit before I die (sorted from the places i desired the least):
- England
- France
- Korea
- Japan
- Switzerland

and here is the place I wanted the most - I do really have to come to this place before I die!

RAJA AMPAT!!!

Why Raja Ampat? Well, it is the most beautiful place I've ever seen in the Earth! It's just like HEAVEN! hohoh! It's located in West Papua, at the "head" of the Paradise Bird Island. It consists of hundreds of small islands in a beautiful blue, clear sea!

Here are some photos of Raja Ampat Islands:





Beautiful, arent they?! hohoho.... wish i could visit it - and I must!!

The other place, I really desire, the most favorite place for me to live: San Francisco

It really is eligible for my criteria, of my ideal living town which are:
- gloomy
- fog a lot
- never be neither too cold nor too hot
- mountains
- trees
- BEAUTIFUL: unlike other states in US, SF is beautiful instead of cool - it is antique.

It's my favorite view of the town, taken from my uncle's bestfriend's house located in the hill of SF - facing to Pacific Ocean. And the second pic is in the road somewhere in the hill of SF, when the fog was thick enough.




The city is just fantastic! soo me! wwkwkwkw

defining myself (part I) :P

I'm trying to define myself. I've been trying it for a long time, actually. But I'm so "abstract" that I can't define all of it. hohoho. Soooo... I'll try to make a list.. what kind of person I am.... and here is the first list...




When I sit in silence,

I'm observing,
I'm musing,
I'm thinking,
I'm concentrating,
I'm not agreeing something,
I'm feeling bad,
I'm calming myself down..

freak.

My friends who are close to me, or even who know me just a little, say that I am freak. Freak? Hell, I hate that name! hahaha... I am not freak like most of freaks do, doing weird and abnormal things (mentally, I mean).

I understand why they call me freak.

Here are things I like and what kind of person I am:
- music: i don't know what genre I like, but I like musics that most people in my age don't! such as: BALINESE GAMELAN, classic rock (led zeppelin, beatles, queen, and bands that people don't even know it!), mellow songs, some kinds of reggae, K-Pop (wonder girls, epik high, big bang, and lots more that my friend never like it!), and other musics. I know its weird hahahaha. but i don't really like western music anymore, I am bored of it and I found a lot of new unique colors! :P

- food: well, i eat almost every food. I like almost every fruit, vegetable, meat, and cook. I never want to waste any food. I usually eat up food that my friends or my family can't finish it up :P

- mind: this is the main reason why people call me FREAK! hahahah... umm. let's see. My bestfriends say I always care about things that people don't care. I care about nature, social, politic, history, and lots more! What's wrong with that?! Isn't it good? :P and then..... they say I know things that most people don't know. But, it's not about gossips nor freaky things!! It's about knowledge! Is it FREAK?! It is KNOWLEDGEABLE !! wkwkwkwkwk.

- dream: people have rights to dream. and.. so do I! I have my own dream. But they call me freak, again. My dream is: work for people (social activist), study abroad and back to Indonesia to make this country better, playing with stocks :P, and TRAVELLING OR BACKPACKING! well, I admit it, they are unusual. but it's not freaks' dreams! >.< style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">I'M NOT FREAK!!

it's normal isn't it?!! hahahaha.

however, I'm quite satisfied knowing my friend, Agita, the one who call me freak, said that she was freak!! wkwkwkwkwk. She really wanted to go to Yogyakarta for LIPI. But she stuck with their parents don't agree with the idea because it must be full with native people and she will be just with Merlyn, who is also very-chinese one just like her and they both are girls. No wonder they don't permit her. hahahahah.

Anyway, I never consider myself as a freak. I'll never admit it! hahaha... I consider myself as: UNIQUE :p

a DREAMY IDEALIST

umm. A few days ago, my friend, Agita, gave me a site providing a free personality test: www.ipersonic.com. I like it! 'cause finally I was able to find a personality test which is professional and promising. And, moreover, I could finally find words defining me. Here are the adjectives best describe me, by the site:

-introverted: i'd rather be alone than be in crowded
-theoretical
-emotional: i can even cry just because of reading a comic! (read my post: rave)
-spontaneous
-idealistic: scroll down to the below of the post
-dreamy: scroll down to the below of the post
-effusive
-pleasant
-reserved: i always love silence
-friendly: i love my friends :D
-passionate
-loyal: i have faith. and i never back-stab anyone.
-perfectionist: the word here doesn't mean i want everything perfect. but it's more likely an idealist. :P
-helpful: i love helping everyone. if anyone needs help, i will be there.
-creative
-composed: i always calm ;)
-curious: i want to know everything! everything but gossips.
-obstinate
-with integrity
-willing to make sacrifices: sacrifcing to make people happy makes me happy too :D
-romantic
-cautious
-shy: however, bcause i love being alone, i am shy. it's hard for me to make new friends XD
-peace-loving: i LOVE peace! i hate fights, i hate conflicts, and i hate WARS!
-vulnerable
-sensitive: i am easy to be hurted. and am able to feel others' feeling.
-communicative
-imaginative: like the word above, dreamy. :D

The words I bolded are the words which I feel it the most in me. Well, doesn't mean that other words which are not bolded not describing me, they just don't dominate my personality.

My personality type, based on the site, is Dreamy Idealist. :D I like the name a LOT! It really fits me! I am a dreamer: I have always been dreaming of my future, what I am going to do later, or the WORLD. And Idealist: I really am an idealist. My parents, my uncle (Robert), and other people have admitted it. If I have a dream or something I like, I won't let it go - I keep it in me and struggle for it. No matter if people say it is impossible or that I never see the negative sides.