slapped

hmmmpphhh...

i feel like God has slapped me.
i just can't content myself since the minute i walk out from my room right until this second. i'm overwhelmed with guilt.

so, it was when i just closed the door and walk a few meters from my house when an old man - he's a little bit fat - called me. he said:"son, please give me some food, i am very hungry." surprised, i just nodded my head and smiled while my feet kept walking. i felt a little pity for him but i just kept rationalizing my mind by saying "that's fine. millions begged and i don't even know if he's honest. what if he just pretended being poor?"

the routine of my mornings is picking kines up at her house and then dea, and the three of us will go to the campus together. so after i'd waited for kines for a while, she came up and we started to walk to dea's house.

BUT, just a few step we had walked, a man with a black plastic bag in his right hand ,about 27 years old, approached me. "son, are you busy? can you help me for a while?" he asked me. i was not that in a hurry so i just said yes. He then offered me his black plastic bag, "i have this 5 kilos of rice, would you please buy it?" i was confused. i know he is in trouble, and the scene was just like in a reality show named "TOLONG!". and i also have untouched rice in my room. i spontaneously said sorry to him that i can't buy it because i have lots of rice in my house and i haven't eaten it yet. he looked so disappointed and he was just about to CRY!! he then told me: "okay, that's fine. my wife was about to give birth and i couldn't pay the hospital." and he walked away! i was speechless and i just could stare at him walking away.

all the way to the campus, i mused.

what happened to me this morning?! i just started the day and there had been two people asked me to helped them and i just rejected them! am i heartless or what? moreover the second man. what if something bad happen to his wife because he couldn't pay the midwife? and if it really happened, it was because of me ignoring him.

then an idea just popped up in my mind: i could have bought the rice and gave it to the man begging for food! or at least i could give the money to the man without taking the rice! fool me!!

well i hope they're fine right now. i hope the old man can eat i hope the man's wife can give birth safely and so the newborn baby and he could pay the fee. sorry for not helping you :(