huff..

it's february already.

it's been quite a while since the last time i posted on this blog. i don't know why i lose my mood in everything. i have no mood to write, read, or watch tv. i got try outs everyday each week for 3 months. and it's been the 3rd week and i still havent got any mood to study yet.

i just wanna relax and loafing around. all i do at home are just chat, surf internet, read some comics, eat, take a shower, sleep. that's it. i just sit in front of my laptop instead of studying


all of my friends are focused on studying for try outs. but i'm not. my only focus is the test for ITB on 29th and 30th of may. i don't care with the tests and scores at school. i don't care with my try outs as long as i still get above 60. i don't care with my national test 2 more months as long as i graduate. f**k those grades. i just wanna practice on my drawing for ITB. not accepted there gonna be disastrous since i dont have anywhere to go. if i wait for another year i dont think i have the mood to study.



but now i feel like a freak for real. i do nothing at school but drawing. i don't listen to teachers, i don't hang out with my friends, not even chat with them. now i sit and practice for my drawing, silently - for hours.

and i really wanna be alone. meanwhile my other friends shouted each other's name to make a group, i sit alone and do it by myself silently.




it feels horrible. yet i somehow enjoy it.

*sigh*