shit

I NEED LITHIUM TO CALM MYSELF DOWN!!!

i feel so bad since last week. something had made me so sad and mad - can't stop thinking bout it. i can't control my emotion. i could be happy and be bad at once.

i frequently sit down silently on my desk - musing, drawing eyes and faces, writing words to express my feeling cos i didn't even know what i was feeling actually. i tried any way to express it and be relieved of it.

but i can't. FREAKIN ME OUT!!

damn.

i often lose my breath. something kinda pushes all of my breath out of my chest at once. making me feel a kind of panic - or excited. i don't know which one. but it's bad. so, it's panic i think.

one thing for sure what i am feeling:

i don't wanna lose anything i love anymore - just because of bullshits. now i'm struggling for it, while knowing that it might be not possible.

well, it's panic then.

and i can't be calmed until i know that i still have hope.